The attention direction filter in NLP helps identify whether a person tends to prioritize their own needs or those of others. In situations where there’s a clash of interests, whose needs come first? Do you naturally look after yourself before others, or the other way around?
Like all filters, this one limits what gets noticed. Think of a coffee filter — it allows the liquid through but holds back the grounds. Similarly, a fixed attention direction may block awareness of either your own needs or those of someone else. While most people can shift their focus, they usually concentrate on one side at a time.
Self-Focused Attention
Being self-aware is a healthy and necessary trait. People with a self-oriented focus are in touch with their own beliefs, emotions, preferences, and needs. When attention is directed inward, choices are evaluated based on personal benefit—short-term or long-term.
This mindset brings a sense of autonomy. These individuals take responsibility for meeting their own needs and expect others to do the same.
When Self-Focus Becomes Extreme
At the extreme, self-focused individuals may struggle in social or professional relationships. A lack of sensitivity to others’ signals—such as facial expressions, tone of voice, or body language—can lead to poor interactions.
Such people may prefer working with machines or data rather than people. They might think relationships are purely transactional: “I only help you because it benefits me.” Acts of generosity or selflessness seem illogical to them, as they see all behavior through a cost-benefit lens.
In NLP, this orientation is referred to as the “first position” in the Triple Perspectives technique.
Others-Focused Attention
When attention is directed toward others, the individual becomes attuned to others’ emotions, thoughts, values, and needs. This approach is key in leadership, counseling, teaching, and any role that involves nurturing or collaboration.
Being others-focused helps foster long-term relationships. Supporting and uplifting others—not just professionally but personally—can create meaning and joy. In fact, turning attention outward is one powerful method to counter depression or feelings of isolation.
Understanding how one’s actions affect others allows for greater empathy, teamwork, and rapport.
When Others-Focus Becomes Extreme
Over-focusing on others can lead to self-neglect. A person may continuously sacrifice their own needs to prioritize others until they eventually burn out or break down emotionally.
This is common among individuals in caregiving roles—especially women, and particularly after becoming mothers. Over time, they may lose touch with their personal goals, values, and identity, which can diminish confidence and joy. Reconnecting with one’s own desires is essential for building trust in oneself.
In NLP terms, sorting by others is known as the “second position” in the Triple Perspectives technique.
For further exploration, see Shelle Rose Charvet’s insights in her book Words That Change Minds, where she discusses how this filter shapes communication and decision-making.